STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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