The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
