Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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