He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
