I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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