My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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