**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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