and you said cock pushups were impossible
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
