Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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