Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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