therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
