ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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