How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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