My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
