Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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