you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
