remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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