your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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