having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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