the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
