wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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