Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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