she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
