I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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