this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
