Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
