She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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