batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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