I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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