Sponge bath it is.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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