do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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