eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
