Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
