She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
