blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we should paint friendship bongs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
