I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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