these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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