I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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