You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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