You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
