hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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