omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
