I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
