So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
