Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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