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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
