Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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