It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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