your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
