what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
